The following is a very frank discussion, and while not particularly x-rated, the reader should expect to possibly be a bit shocked, and perhaps on occasion amused.

Dear Friends,

The following is a very frank discussion, and while not particularly x-rated, the reader should expect to possibly be a bit shocked, and perhaps on occasion amused.

For some general considerations see: http://www.philosophyoffreedom.com/node/1942 wherein there is an introductory discussion as regards the Four Forms of Love (selfless love, comradeship, nuturing love, and eros).  Here in Part Two I am going to comment on aspects of Fallen Eros in modern Western Culture, starting with the idea of erectile dysfunction.  From there we'll go on to deeper matters.

Clearly this is an issue (impotence) that has bothered men (especially), and occasionally women, for a long time.  Traditional cultures have all kinds of herbal and other remedies for this so-called problem (powdered rhino horn, for example).  What happens if we consider this not a problem, but a natural event and a blessing?  Obviously pharmaceutical companies use this human weakness (loss of self esteme in men) and exploit it for profit.  Having lost any connection to the spirit, modern doctors aren't much help either.

In PoF, Steiner points out that there are a number of problems with sex and a discussion of his comments in this regard can be seen in my essay: The Redemption of Eros: - seeking comfort and companionship in a time of increasing social chaos; or sex and the single anthroposophist.  http://ipwebdev.com/hermit/sexsingle.html

In the book, "Sexuality, Partnership and Marriage - from a spiritual persepctive", by Wolfgang Gadeke (a Christian Community priest), he points out that men are driven by pressures in their physiology to plant their seed, and thus tend to look to physical attractiveness as an outlet for this "sexual" drive.  Women tend to see a man's soul (not his physical form), and are attracted to that.  For men, obviously, physical attributes in women will tend to fall away with age.  For women, their desire to improve the soul of the beloved often becomes an excess that causes them to no longer see what first attracted them (if only he would change).

In this midst of this soul confusion (our culture, in the grips of Fallen Eros, still doesn't know how to talk about sex and love), we find that at a certain age men no long have the same physiological (arousal) response to various kinds of stimulation.  Sometimes, obviously, this can mean that there is an actual medical problem, but it really is only tradition and cultural confusion which assumes that something is "wrong" with a man in this condition.  If we add to this an indication of Steiner's that human beings today only mature out of their physical forces to about age 27 or 28, after which any further maturation depends upon the I having taken up some kind of spiritual understanding of self and the world, we can see why men and the culture see "impotence" as a loss of something.  Many are basically spiritually immature, and can't conceive that something natural in youth may change its nature in maturity.

If we just look objectively at the situation of so-called impotence, without characterizing it, what do we see.  We discover that the organ of the men previously devoted to penetration and the spreading of seed has gone into a kind of semi-retirement (I say semi-retirement, because the organ in its physiological nature just isn't interested anymore in that task, but not entirely incapable of orgasm or other "behaviors".  At the same time men still can want and need physical and emotional intimacy.  We all just assume that intimacy has to take the same paths as before, and that if it doesn't something (again) is "wrong".  In fact, in a partnership or marriage, there are habits of intimacy which all involve the other three faces of love, not just eros.  We nuture each other (often with touch) and enjoy companionship (comradeship).   If we are maturing spiritually, we are also becoming more selfless, so the higher face of love is also present.  What then of the erotic and the sensual when the arousal response goes into semi-retirement (no need to spread seed).

If selfless love has matured, the man now can begin to discover something women instinctively know (and tend to be taught culturally), which is to forego self as the center of things, and concentrate more on the partner's or the other person's needs.  If this is done by men experiencing this physiologiclal natural transformation, and the I begins to leave behind a demand for its own satisfaction, instead focusing on the satisfaction of the partner, the whole dynamic of erotic and sensual love changes.

It actually helps a great deal to actually spend some time thinking and talking about these subjects, with our partner or a close friend.  For example, there is a great difference between the erotic (which is mostly of the mind or spirit) and the sensual (which is mostly of the carnal body).  Both find their middle ground in the soul (where experiences - percepts - concentrate).  The percerptual (sensual needs) of women will tend to be different from those of men, but if this is discussed among the partners, then the whole thing can be made more clear.  Each of the five basic senses can be discussed individually as well, and provides its own level of illumination.  Men thus better informed of the womans sensual needs and desires, and women thus better informed of the man's sensual needs and desires, where each approaches the other more selflessly, will find not only a deeper sensual experience, but a deeper emotional experience as well.

As to the erotic, mostly it is supported by speech, wherein ideas are evoked in each individual member of the partnership by the other.  For women it is mostly romance which is desired, and which can be "spiced" in certain ways with expressions of desire.  For men it is mostly earthly (somewhat raw sexual spicy speech) that is wanted.  Each partner teaches the other if the discussions are frank, earnest and honest.  Again, coming at the soul more wisely from the erotic (mind-spirit) side will deepen the emotional effect.

Since in maturity, the organ for spreading seed has retired, the drive to penetrate is much less.  This gives the man (especially if he is concentrating on learning what his partner wants) the capacity to be particularly patient.  What's the old song: "I want an man with a slow hand..."?  Since there is no longer the spending of the life forces into the seed (which happens for the man in orgasm), the man no longer is exhausted so easily.  In addition, since the organ of penetration and seeding is less driven to exhaust its forces, this means that as a pleasure center it can be delicately stimulated for much much longer.  The "slow hand" is a two way street.

The fact, as well, is that the skin is the largest and most comprehensive of the five basic sense organs, which means that slowness everywhere can have remarkable effects on the sensual side of things, while speech during these moments can maintain the erotic mood if attention to the partners needs and desires is given its true value and worth.  Eros, properly understood, is the Art and Craft of Adult Intimate Play.  Since it takes two to tango, and if time is given not just to what goes on in bed, but throughout the whole day, such Play can spice the whole relationship (if kept within brief moments, and with a lot of communication and no assumptions). 

Arousal can be something just in itself, a few minutes of spice, and doesn't have to go on to anything else.  This tendency of men to always be coming on to women causes women to tend to refuse all gestures of intimacy because "going all the way" is so often implied (something that can be avoided by frank discussions and sharing).  Language also is underated as a way of touching, this time mind to mind (spirit to spirit), and women should take the trouble to teach their partners how to flirt.

Let me add a couple more comments, starting with the ideas of "provocation" and "intoxication". 

In our cuture, which has far too much immodesty in women's dress, there is an excess of "provocation" which is not only offering and then withholding food to a starving man, but essentially deadens its effects because it is too ever present.  Women need to actually think about the art of provocation with their partner, and discuss and learn what is wanted and which both can work with.  Again, if the gesture is understood to have value in the moment (spice), without a commitment for later, then it can be more freely given.  The man can learn to just enjoy being provoked into brief intoxication (subtle arousal), and happy that his partner has learned to understand him.  Let me give one example.  The man and the woman are walking, or sitting in a movie theater, together.  The woman links her arm through the man's, gently pressing her breast against his arm.   Likewise the man can learn to provoke by being romantic (light kisses and subtle but brief intimate touching, coupled with  beautiful heartfelt - authentic - speech of gratefulness and wonder at the woman who has chosen to give themselve to us).  Each teaches each, and thinking and talking (conversation) moves the process of mutual education slowly forward.

There is a wonderful movie: "Don Juan DeMarco", starring Johnny Depp, Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway, that can be very instructional.  In one particular scene, the Marlon Bando character, having been reawakened to romance by Depp's instructions, askes his wife (the Faye Dunaway character), while she is gardening: "What are the dreams you sacrificed while I was pursuing my career and you were helping me?"  She is for a moment speechless, starts to tear up, and says: "I thought you'd never ask."

We live in a culture which not only poorly educates as to the basics of sex, but which teaches us that certain natural things are disorders.  Isn't it odd that impotence in men and menopause in women tends to come around the same time?  Actually it isn't, if you think about it.  Fallen Eros can only be overcome by us as individuals, who take the time to educate ourselves and our partners, upon which basis we may later discover how (through imaginative stories) to properly educate our children, especially during the time of a rite of passage (tragically no longer celebrated, but which must be returned) into adulthood.

The old, traditional, religious views would keep us in darkness.  Where is the new (ethical) insight into these so fundamental aspects of being human?  Like much in modern times, it is up to us.

joel