#1: Interpret instead of observe
exp of Interpretation: John you were being such a coward by not responding to my request
exp of observation: John, I notice that it has been two days since I asked you for a response.

If you want to start a Flame War with somebody online make sure to have at least three interpretation in your comments.

example of good start for Flame War:

"Sally, I haven't come across such silly (interpretion number 1) statements in a long time. Your lack of courage (interpretation #2) is stunning. Perhaps if you cared more about truth (interpretation #3) we could get somewhere."

Example of bad start to Flame War:

Sally, I did not understand your last few statments. Is this a topic that really mattes to you? It is important to me that we use our time well and I'd be willing to find a topic that we can both get fired up about. Please let me know if you can think of a modifaction that would make a difference?"

#2: Assume that what you are feeling is not caused by your own unmet needs.
exp: John, you make me so mad by not responding to my post.

If you assume that your feelings are caused by unmet needs in yourself and if you communicate from this assumption, you probably won't get the Flame War you are looking for. Here is an example of making that mistake:

exp: John, I'm feeling frustrated because my need for clear communicaiton isn't being met.

#3 Never make clear requests as to how somebody can help you meet your needs. Always blame them for doing something they shouldn't have....
this is NOT the way to start a flame war: John, could you help me meet my wish for clear communication by responding to my last question?

This IS the way to start a flame: John, I guess you just don't care about Freedom but would rather engage in self-indulgent nonesense!

extra tip: If you just NEED to make requests at all, make them very unspecific, like:

Sally, Could you please write something with some backbone? Or "Sally, please give me a reason to care?

These are just tips.

gulp