Loving One Another

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35

While all the steps on the path are important it would seem that Right Effort is pivotal. Right Effort must underpin each step. The last two steps are Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration; they seem to be the icing on the cake while all the other steps, underpinned by Right Effort are the cake.
We can only have Right Effort if we are motivated by love. Not just any love, the highest love, the love by which Christ loved – agape in the Greek. This is also the love God has for his son. This love is a deed and behind such a deed we always find Right Effort.
Think about the timing of Christ’s incarnation? Why was that time chosen, why not now? The Right Effort went into ensuring that Christ incarnated at the right time.
This kind of love, agape, is also selfless. The deed that arises out of agape is always for the greater good. Do we really understand the meaning of selfless? Selfless does not mean to displace ourselves by putting the other person first. Selflessness is to be free of prejudice, free of our likes and dislikes – our preconceived ideas.
It is selfless love that stands in the other person’s shoes and experiences what they experience. Selfless love says: What’s happening to you is happening to me; your tears are my tears; your laughter is my laughter, your fear is my fear. At the same time we don’t lose ourselves in the other person’s experience. All too often we are too busy experiencing our own fear to fully enter into our friend’s fear. Put it to the test; whatever the situation, we always think about how a situation affects us before we think about how it affects the other person. It is not until we can see that there are no implications for us that we can identify with the other person’s position.
On top of that, we are quick to use our opinions as a yardstick. Our pride, our ego always wants to be right. How easily will we step out of our own judgments and become one with a person who has done something that we don’t like? Only with agape, Christed love, can we do that.
When we are so busy with our own opinions, our own likes and dislikes, we cannot possibly express this Christed agape. When we put our own family first, our friends first and thereby exclude others, we do not love. “‘Who are my mother and my brothers?’ he asked.” Mk 3:33
It is through our relationship with Christ and through our relationship with our higher self that we have a more global view of our relationships with our fellow travellers in this life. Then our kin are all those in whose lives the Christ Impulse is alive. Our brothers and sisters are those who are forging a closer relationship with their real self. More than that, those who invest the Right Effort into every part of their life belong to a fraternity. This fraternity is bound together in unbreakable bonds of love, agape.
In his last lecture, in December 1996, Rev Mario Schoenmaker spoke about loving Christ and loving each other. “If you love, really love, do you want to be without the beloved? If you really love do you want to communicate with your beloved, all the time, constantly? I always measure people’s love by the way they communicate … I don’t mean writing hundreds of letters … I mean where there is a flow (between you) which is natural and automatic.”
That is Right Effort. A love that flows, that is natural and automatic. It doesn’t depend on kinship; it isn’t motivated by reward; it just flows.
Unfortunately, at this stage in our evolution we have to battle with our lower self. Our ego cannot experience agape. Agape would never put self first, or seek personal gain at the expense of another person. Agape would not seek the high ground and push the other to the low ground. Agape wants to embrace, respect, honour, give dignity and uphold.
Agape can also come with a sword or a surgeon’s knife. Agape does not compromise nor shrink from the truth. Agape is fearless.
The fullness of love is our ultimate goal. We must continually seek ways to improve the way we love. Agape does not come naturally; it is a skill which must be finely honed and the best way to hone it is through developing our love for Christ. From there we can love one another even as he loved us.